dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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