Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
That accounts for only three of the penises
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
