Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
