I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
