I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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