In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
