You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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