Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
