im holly from the hills drunk
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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