I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Bring me that man meat
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize