When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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