My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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