You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
