A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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