I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
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