I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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