Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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