Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
