Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
