Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
its liver damage thursday
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
