Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
