he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
