how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
