would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
