Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
