go do what you do best...puke behind churches
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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