just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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