Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
