kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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