I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
