so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
