Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
