The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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