RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
