please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
