I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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