Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
