He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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