In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize