Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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