i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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