the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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