I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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