I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
two words...techno handjob
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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