I think i peed on brittanys purse
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
