when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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