How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize