Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
