I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
