I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Randomize