I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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