Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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