Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
