im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize