i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
