this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
