if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize