What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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