you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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