by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
