i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
