I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
