1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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