kristin has been a bad kristin
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
