Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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