If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
