I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
