I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
