wat bout pragnant strippers??
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
