how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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