I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
