party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
