fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
