Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
