I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
