as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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