haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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