Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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