eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
