ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Boobs are out for the taking
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
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