Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
