Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
