So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
