There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
