her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Randomize
