He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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