My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
