we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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