sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just gift wrapped bread.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
