just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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