Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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