I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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