So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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