there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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