she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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