That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
false alarm. still invincible.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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