he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
