Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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