I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
