She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
