Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
