so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
