A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
