no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
This is my gift to your gina
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I currently don't understand fingers.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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