I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
