We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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